Today is National Bubble Bath Day! Who knew? The good folks at Gooseberry Patch (www.gooseberrypatch.com) send me an email every so often, and one of them had this little tidbit of information in it! It's a good way to celebrate kids going back to school, Becki!
I don't take bubble baths, or baths of any kind. It's not that I don't like them, although to be honest, I really don't care for them. It's not that I don't like the scents of all the great bubble bath products out there-I totally do. I love the idea of the bubble bath-sweet smelling bubbles, warm water, soft music, candlelight, a great book to read. I just don't ever get that all pulled together.
The last time I tried to take a bubble bath, it was not a successful venture. I won't call it a disaster-the tub didn't overfill, the pipes didn't burst, nothing got drenched that shouldn't, nothing like that at all. But, you must remember that I live with men. All men. They are helpless, pitiful creatures, and that manifests itself even more when I go into the bathroom and lock the door. I can just be putting hairspray on my hair, but the minute they hear that door close and lock, they all have needs that rise to the surface and MUST BE ADDRESSED, BY MOM ONLY, IMMEDIATELY!
I had finally figured out how to get comfortable in the tub-we have a "garden tub", which is big, but the way the sides are sloped, not all that conducive to lying back and relaxin. I folded a towel and draped it over the side, which gave me a padding to lie on. I wasted a clean towel, but I figured that since I do the laundry, it's pretty much my business. Anyway, I finally got comfortable and had settled down to read a paperback romance novel-one I picked up at Wal-Mart for $3, not one I'd borrowed from anyone else or a library book. Again, if I dropped it or splashed it or otherwise got it wet, it was mine, right? Again, my business. So, I'm semi relaxed and soaking and just about to turn the first page when the first knock came at the door.
Door knocker: It's Benjie
Me: Yes, Benjie? What did you need, sweetie?
Benjie: I was just looking at that magazine that Uncle Mark sent me from Nanny's-you know, the one with all the farm stuff in it? What's it called?
Me: I don't know, B, what about it?
Benjie: I really like it.
Me: Good! Now, please go back to your room and read it. I'm in the bathtub.
Benjie: Why are you in the bathtub? Why don't you just take a shower?
Me: I just decided to take a bath today.
Benjie: OK, but don't use all the hot water. I want to take one when you're done.
Finally, he left and I went back to my reading-I decided to read the last paragraph again, just to remember where I was. Just as I was about to turn the page, someone knocked on the door.
Door knocker: It's Jonah
Me: What do you need, Jonah? I'm in the bathtub.
Jonah: Why are you in the bathtub? Why aren't you taking a shower?
Me: (slightly testy) I just decided to take a bath. What do you need?
Jonah: What do I need for what?
Me: Why did you knock on the door?
Jonah: (long pause) I forgot.
Me: ok, go think about it, and when I get out of the tub you can tell me.
Back to that last paragraph. Just about to turn the page...knock #3.
Door Knocker: Mom, some of my friends are going to the movies tonight, can I go?
Me: Yes, Jacob, if you have the money
Jacob: Well, I have enough money to get in, but I won't have enough for a Dr. Pepper or popcorn. Can you loan me snack money? You can take it out of my allowance.
Me: (thinking-no kidding-your allowance is already in hock until July, but whatever it takes to get rid of you for a few minutes): OK, I'm in the bathtub right now. What time are you going?
Jacob: You're in the bathtub? Why?
Me: ijustthoughti'dtakeabathtoday. What time are you going?
Jacob: I'm not sure. I'll have to check.
Back to the book...knock on the door.
Door knocker: Mom, it's me, Jonah
Me: yes, Jonah? What do you need?
Jonah: are you still in the bathtub?
Me: Yes, what do you want?
Jonah: I want you. I just want to be with you.
Me: that's sweet, Jonah, but it's going to have to wait a minute, then I'll be out and we can be together in the living room.
Jonah: Ok, and-oh, yeah-Benjie almost tried to hit me
Benjie-I did not. He was getting my magazine. I had to hit him.
Jonah: (crying) Oh, yeah, he DID hit me!
Benjie: Hey mom?
Benjie: This hay baler in this magazine is just like the toy one I have, you know, the one that I got for Christmas last year, the one that Santa brought, not the little one that I got at Wal-Mart with my birthday money, the big one that I got from Santa. And mom?
Me: (voice muffled from being under the water as I slip down into the water, allowing my head to be submersed) Yes, B?
Benjie: are you still in the tub?
Me: (whimpering now) yes.
Benjie: well, this baler, it's just like the one Uncle Mark burned up last year.
Me: Please, please go away and take you brother with you and stop hitting him.
Benjie: But I have a picture of it, don't you want to see it?
Me: Show it to Dad.
Finally, peace. I turn back to my book, and decide to read the whole first page again, because I can't remember any of it. Knock at the door.
Me: WHOEVER THAT IS, YOU'D BETTER HAVE A GOOD REASON TO BE KNOCKING AT MY DOOR WHEN I'M IN THE BATHTUB.
Door Knocker: (Lynn's voice) Why are you taking a bath? You usually take a shower.
Me: Check with the boys.
Jacob: Mom, the movie starts in 10 minutes. I can walk but I need that money.
Benjie: Mom, I found a tractor just like the one that Poppa used to have. The red one, not the orange one.
Jonah: Mom, Benjie won't let me look at the tractors, and I want to...(crying and scuffling heard on the other side of the door)
Me: Lynn? Are you still there? Can you take care of that?
Lynn: Come on boys, let's let mom take her bath. I don't know why she didn't just take a shower.
Me: (sitting in a tub of cold water with no bubbles) Me, either.
That's why I don't take baths!
Forty Shades of Green
1 day ago